The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
