I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
the day after is always just damage control
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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