my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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