I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
