why didn't you poke me back
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Send help, water and tortillas.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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