I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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