im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
