guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
