I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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