I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
