my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
