Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
