I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize