Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
