no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
he had hair everywhere except his balls
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
