it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
