So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
