How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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