it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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