I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
