Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
It's not a walk of shame if you run
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
