just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
is that a dick in a sweater?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
