im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
