My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
