U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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