So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm both gender and math confused
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
