If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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