We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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