this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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