I think my fart just growled at me.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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