But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
