Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Randomize
