bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
