Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
