and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
