Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
