Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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