she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
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