i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
