yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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