i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize