Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
