We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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