I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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