If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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