I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
