I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
