Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
