I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
