if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
