There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
