seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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