You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
