Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I skipped work to stalk him.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
