She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
