No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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