If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
