I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
