you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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