I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize