Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize