I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
