who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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