I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize