its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
