Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
