Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
