We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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