Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
