we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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